I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
