is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
