What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
