Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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