He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
