not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
