Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
