i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
