two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
