it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
