In the future we'll all be gay
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
