i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
