You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
