Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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