i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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