Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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