You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
