i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
