Your mouth is God's brothel.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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