Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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