i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
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you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
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I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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