We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
