Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
