gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
