it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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