I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sorry about my life...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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