the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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