just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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