It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize