Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
