The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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