also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
