you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
