i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
