If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
