I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
