guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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