I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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