My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
