Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
