Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
