I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
