This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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