what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
