DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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