batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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