I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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