Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
