I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
