i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
