oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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