It's Friday. Sex?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
