If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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