Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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