Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize