my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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