Already got asked if we're dating
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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