You can't special order awesome
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
