Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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