So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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