I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
