Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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