my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize