You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
