Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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